So I know I have been a lazy writer not posting frequently and generally ignoring the blog in an effort to be a good little worker bee at my job.
These last few weeks have had me on edge, cranky and exhausted.. just trying to make it through the day and not become a germ monger. Ya Allah Alhumdualillah for the holiday break. It was like I was screaming on the inside,” I am gonna go crazy! I don’t have the energy to be nice or polite anymore! I am tired of being around people!”
I have also been thinking about a new years resolution.
I finally came up with a good one. No more searching.
I am not renewing any of my profiles on all the match making ones I am on. Qiran, Muslima, Half Our Deen.. all of them and once they expire – I am deleting the profiles.
I am going to tell my wali.. to stop looking. Seriously he is a busy man and way too busy to be trying to find me a good husband what with 5 kids and wife. It’s good to have a wali and I highly recommend asking someone you know well and that knows you well so that they find good matches. However I have been experiencing recently – my wali trying to marry me off to brothers who don’t fit my basic criteria – I am starting to feel like a white elephant gift.
So I am going to focus on other goals and aspirations I have in my life. First finish my second year of Ameri Corps, get an answer regarding my Peace Corps application, decide if I want to take my GRE’s sooner or later, grad school – sooner or later, start job hunting for a new job after Ameri Corps.
My good friend recommend I apply and teach at a local Islamic school…maybe I will this upcoming summer.
I have said I wouldn’t look before and haven’t kept that promise to myself in the past believing hope against hope some how I was going to find my Mr. Right.
That if I put my self out there enough that I would finally get enough exposure to find that guy. If I was a brand.. I would be almost on the scale of a mini celebrity or at least I would be one of those “As seen on TV future wife” ads.
I haven’t been afraid of failure, getting my heart broken or to cry over a guy then picking up the pieces to go back out there and try again because that’s what I have been doing.
I haven’t been afraid to be 100% real about how I look, what my values are, my family etc. What would be the point? Given the guy would find out sooner or later I don’t look like Halle Berry, I don’t have Warren Buffet’s bank account and I don’t have Jay Leno’s car collection- although I do have a resemblance to Queen Latifah , a small amount of debt, enough money to put food on the table, gas in my tank to get to work and Taleef Collective on Sunday nights.
However I am tired of brothers always feeling like in marrying me – they are marrying a “fix upper,” that who I am right now isn’t good enough because it could be better.
The grass always looks greener on the other side – if that’s the case brother – click to the next profile and don’t waste my time expressing “interest” in me like a book you put on your wish list on Amazon.com that you will never purchase.
Oh I could feel the same way about brothers I have come across but I have learned many lessons during my year and a half of searching such as :
1. Like the person right now as they are – or keep looking
2. What annoys you right now is going to annoy you later – so if you can’t stand it now – keep looking
3. If the brother isn’t already practicing his fard Deen and seeking to improve it – keep looking
4. If the brother can’t handle the reality of my family as a convert – keep looking
5. If the brother is seeking to lock me in the house and keep me pregnant, bare foot while cooking and cleaning like a maid (figuratively speaking) – keep looking
6. If the brother isn’t a critical thinker and educated enough to keep up with me mentally – keep looking
7. If pursuit of money is more important than Deen or family – keep looking
Now – these things are in no particular order but its just that I have learned whats important about what I need in my future zawaj (husband). I don’t need to change myself or my family to attract the person I am meant to be with point blank and I won’t need to change him.
So I bow out of the hubby hunt with good grace and happy that I gained the knowledge I have while I move forward with other things in my life.
As my mother says, “Love finds you when you aren’t looking,” I pray to Allah that’s true as I am weary, battered and ready to find my zawaj and start my own family inshaAllah when the time is right – which is probably when I won’t be looking for him 🙂
3 thoughts on “Thank goodness for the holidays”
I can identify with this post so much! Not because I’ve been searching for the same things, but because I, too, have to learn to let God have His way in my life and not always be trying to do it on my own terms. Thanks for sharing!
one advice i always give to the sisters, ‘there is no right time, only the right man’. So, do not rush into marrying somebody just because everybody else is getting married. 🙂
oh, you might look far when that person is actually
so near,..( well, that’s what happened to me..)
You know ur mother was soooo right. You know that’s how I ended up married. And that is exactly what happened, ended up married. Not many males actually want a woman who knows what she wants, loves herself, has self esteem, and won’t roll over and take anything. My father said that those attributes can be smelled a mile away to someone who is not ready for the real thing. So in other words, you stink! LOL. Keep on stinking sis bc a real man will smell that scent and will be stumbling out of the masjid during Ramadan to smell it 😉