Just a polite dumping?

So then for a few days due to life and the commitments that come as a part of that on my side at least – we didn’t talk.

Then I get a call via G Talk from the WP.  I was babysitting my friend’s son – who Alhumdualillah had finally fallen asleep after fighting it for a long time.

We chatted and reconnected but something was off.  So finally WP says something to the effect of .. I have got something to tell you.  Oh.. whats up?  “Well I was sitting at work and the thought occurred to me that I wasn’t a Muslim.”

Hmm.. my first thought is OMG.. seriously?

Then I just realized I needed to simply trust in Allah and go with the flow.  No need to get upset as Allah is the best planner.

So I ask a few questions and in the end decide its between that individual and Allah because as we know.  Allah guides who he wills.  I also suggested some talks with scholars or imam’s to clear things up.  However it was clear that WP wasn’t really interested in seeking more answers concerning Islam.  So who am I to push it?  WP then says.. I don’t want you waiting around for me, I know you want to marry someone who is a practicing Muslim.  So it’s over basically.

WP also said he was worried that I was too flexible.  Hmm I think that’s a first.  I am by nature a problem solver.  So if I know I can achieve the same goal.. through another avenue.. and in essence kill two birds with one stone.. Are you telling me I shouldn’t make getting married my #1 priority? Maybe I am just crazy but completing one’s Deen is a serious business and one should give it all they have to make it happen – InshaAllah with right person.

It was also clear that the brother got cold feet? scared? or just didn’t like that there was no way there wasn’t going to be a wedding – meaning Cake, Dress, Groom and Reception not in that exact order.  As I am the only child and the oldest grand kid.. there is no way I am getting out of that even if I wanted too.

I personally am looking forward to that day.. for the religious and social significance. Then there was the whole.. well our parents can meet at the wedding.. how about no? Families in my book should meet before the wedding and meet the prospective spouse more than once before the wedding.

Then the whole.. coming out of the prayer rug closet thing.. I am supposed to be the excuse for becoming a Muslim?  I really hate to burst your bubble but.. that could create a lot of resentment towards me.  I suggested just coming clean.  Whats the worst that could happen?  But that didn’t receive a warm welcome.

However at that point I was more worried and concerned about this crisis of faith than being dumped essentially. I really hate for a new Muslim to fall off the path for any reason let alone myself.

So I emailed a scholar I knew and asked for advice.  The scholar replied, “Praying istikhara and letting things fall where they will is the best thing to do, inshaAllah. The answer to istikhara does not always appear in the way we expect, but it does appear.  Just continue to make dua, and allow Allah to Guide you. Hope that helps.”

WP wants all the answers to everything from one source – one faith.  I am not scholar but according to what I know.. there are things we aren’t supposed to know in the Dunya.  Things that we are only to learn on the Day of Judgement and in the Akhira.  Even scholars who have studied for years in any religious tradition don’t know everything and if they claim to.. I would be extremely cautious of them as they are claiming an attribute of Allah as their own.

But I prayed istahkara and just waited.  Well seeing as my phone never rang, email, twitter and everything else went dead.  Since it isn’t an apocalypse, I assume that is my answer.  So I left him be and moved on.

So that’s what I did even with my family wanting WP’s guts for garters.  Oh I learned many things I didn’t know prior to this about the WP due to my Tia’s internet search skills and some were quite disappointing.

Such as having the tweet, ” Breaking up is hard to do,” or some such thing appear on WP’s personal twitter account prior to the dumping conversation.  Seriously if you crush on a woman who is internet savvy.. do you really think she DOESN’T know about the second twitter account?  Let alone other things.

At one point I would have taken this as a personal failure on my part.  However I feel that Thomas Edison’s quote sums up my hubby hunt so far, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”  Well not 10,000 ways that didn’t work but to be sure more like 3-4 serious male husband prospects in a year that didn’t work.  So I will keep my subr and wait for Allah’s plan to unfold.

Alhumdualillah

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One thought on “Just a polite dumping?

  1. I still think it was an unbelievably selfish and cowardly way to handle the situation. There is no honor in the passive aggressive, thoughtless way he mistreated the grace of your feelings and friendship. I’d still like to kick his butt all the way to Alaska, or at least simply trash his writing cred among the Seattle tech writing community. However, there is this thing called karma, which generally manifests in different facets of most all religious or spiritual beliefs, whether you are sure of your path, or not. And karma can hold its own without any help from even the most annoyed,-pissed-off,-and-far-too-well-connected-in-the-NW-high-tech-world Tia. You don’t need to waste another minute of your beautiful spirit and energy, waiting for some chump to pull his head out of his self-absorbed butt and realize what a gem he let slip by. Prayers to you, dear Ally, as you move forward stronger, and with grace, clarity, and compassion.

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