Please don’t be interested anymore…

It hurts today to even think about talking to a guy for the sake of marriage.  Every time I start thinking about it – I get teary and I really dislike being teary – not because it might ruin my make up – which I never wear – but because it means I am really really hurt still.

It doesn’t matter the brother apologized and asked my forgiveness before ending the conversation.  I am still in pain and hurting. I feel like I am setting myself up for a whipping.  I stick to the Sunnah – I am completely honest and up front about who I am and who my family is.  If I were to hide things.. well I couldn’t.  Its not who I am – even my friends are sometimes bewildered at my level of complete honesty with them.

This isn’t to say I have 100% disclosure with everybody and anybody.  I feel its on a need to know basis.  I really don’t enjoy being the target of gossip or well meaning people telling me that I should make really direct Dawah to my family – when I know they aren’t the types to be open to Islam in that way.  The worst thing is to be pitied.  I refuse to be pitied.

So no – I don’t want to open that email from the website saying some brother expressed interest.  No I don’t want to know about your friend who is looking.  I just want to today – forget I am single and looking by busying myself with my family, community and friends.  If I cry at the drop of a hat – the party line is – Allergies – not a hurt soul.


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