It always feels good to be wanted. What never feels good is being wanted for the wrong reasons. When I sign in my inbox, I used to be excited to see – “Someone is interested,” in you title on an email, now I just feel.. a level of resignation because I know I will be simply deleting the email. Why you might ask? Well.. first thing first – location. I don’t mind marrying someone located in a foreign country if he can afford to come visit me and figure out how he is getting here if he plans on moving to the US without my help. If he wants to stay where he is currently located thats fine – but I plan on meeting and interacting with my future husband before signing the marriage contract- then I am totally willing to move to be with my husband – InshaAllah.
However, the brothers who express interest aren’t able to do the above things and I feel sad about that because I don’t like having to possibly hurt anyone. At other times I don’t feel sad in rejecting some of these brothers because its clear I am simply an ends to a means when it comes to gaining American citizenship or a meal ticket.
This isn’t to say that I am not welcoming marriage to someone continuing their studies as I work and then we switch roles – as I would like to go to graduate school and then inshaAllah have children. Allah knows best.
Also whats with people lying about who they are? What they look like? How educated they are? What job they hold? etc Whats the point given we are going to meet face to face at one point or another? If we are serious about each other right? It seems like a crazy thing to do.. but I have seen it over and over again. I don’t lie about who I am, what job I hold and what I look like.. whats the point.. I am trying to find the other half of my deen by being up front and honest. Because if your the other half of my deen your going to be attracted to me as I am right now.. not 5 months, 5 years or 5 decades in the future.
I guess what I am saying is don’t be afraid to be you. Hiding you will only lead to resentment and possibly a failed marriage down the line because your spouse feels like you weren’t honest about who you are. The worse part is the lying to yourself.
Allah may not give us exactly what we want but Allah will give us exactly what we need. This is the conclusion I have come to after being on the marriage market for 11 months. May Allah make us all open to the spouse we are meant to have. Ameen
And may we all keep our hearts open to Allah’s plans. Ameen. Because you never know. Allah does have a sense of humor.