Getting married for the sake of the Deen?

You know I once naively though I knew what I was looking for when it came to a husband.  Disney had told me it was Prince Charming and I believed them.  Then I grew up and realized there is more to life than glass slippers, a castle and happily ever after.

There are things called bills, health insurance, car insurance, rent, gas and groceries to be paid for in addition to that little thing called a job.  I got real, stepped away from the fantasy and now I am trying to be more practical and less of a dreamer.  Which leads me to the following issues.. my friends and I are having when it comes to finding a husband.

My good friend “R” is talking to this brother she met on Face book through a mutual friend and the brother is super pious- almost a hafiz but doesn’t have two pennies to rub together.  R is thinking if she marries this guy it would be good for her Deen – InshaAllah.  Then the practicalities loom over head – moving cross country, waiting for the brother to finish the last two years of university to get his degree in English and giving up her standard of living that she is used to ie Coach purses, clothing shopping regularly etc.

She wonders if its worth it.  If she can deal with no longer participating in Passover in the way she used to once she is married to the brother.  She already went through getting her heart broken by another brother who promised things he couldn’t deliver like a Range Rover etc.  She really wants to just be a house wife and raise a few kids in suburbia.  Is this is whats supposed to happen when you get married? You sacrifice to be with the other person?  How much are you supposed to sacrifice is the question.

I have new brothers in line who seek my attention and the best among them seems to be a brother who is 49 located in California.  He has 8 daughters and has been divorced two years – but he has such good character and is so similar to me when it comes to so many things.

I know my mother will have a cow over the brother’s age and amount of kids.  But should I see if it would work? or cut my losses?

The other brother is located in Florida, 37, biracial – half Pakistani and half Black.  Very funny and like the brother above religious and seems to have good character.

Other interests include many brothers from many Islamic and European countries including one who had warning signs written all over him.  He sends what appears to be a scanned image of their passport via email? and his word ID? Both are fakes upon further inspection – but if I didn’t know what to look for – I would have been sucked into a scammer thinking he was a legitimate man seeking a wife.


One thought on “Getting married for the sake of the Deen?

  1. Hahaha I love this post Ally ! I think the lesson in this story is we have to hold out for balance. I’ve thought so many times I’d found “The One” only to realize I was living in a fantasy. So maybe I won’t get the Range Rover, but I won’t have to accept Vitamin supplements for my Mahr either. Of course Allah swt knows best especially in selecting spouses. It’s such a wonderful ride isn’t it ? SubhanAllah ! Love you xoxo

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