It wasn’t until I actually went to preschool that I was introduced to the idea of father’s day. It was there that it became clear pretty quickly my family wasn’t like other kids. I had only my mom and no dad. The teachers would always try to make me join in on making some art project out of macaroni or something else that would be great for the dad that I didn’t have at home.
Some of these teachers could just be down right obtuse. I remember telling one of the teachers, ” I don’t have a daddy, I have a grandpa. Can I make something for my grandpa?” The teacher replied that it was Father’s Day.. not Grandfather’s day, no you can’t make something for your grandfather. So I came home with another useless bit of arts and crafts that went promptly into the trash – because I put it there.
Men like to complain about women with “daddy issues.” But the real cause of the majority of my heart ache when it comes to my father is that he choose to be who he was and is. All people do. Every day, every second is a chance to be a new person and reinvent yourself to be a better you that you were a few seconds before. Reinventing yourself is a courageous act especially when it is to improve yourself.
My father learned to be an abuser, a manipulator and continues to choose to use alcohol and drugs to blur reality.
I know and recognize what makes it important for me that my partner is someone who is ready for earning the title of Daddy. Anyone can be a father or mother because you shared DNA with another person and created a baby.
Being a Daddy or a Mommy, means you put in the mental, emotional investment in raising that baby.
My grandfather is a man who is imperfect but one thing I can always say about him is that he would never turn his kids away, ignore them or not take responsibility for them. So when I finally got teacher’s who had less antiquated views on family structures – I could make gifts for my grandfather and Father’s Day became Grandfather’s Day in my house.
My grandpa was always excited to see what I made- So Happy Grandpa’s Day. Grandpa!
American Muslimahs Musings 